So my laptop died recently, luckily a friend was able to lend me hers for a while, whilst another friend helped me to purchase a refurbished one. Of course it came with windows, which I don’t like to use. So I found someone to install Linux on it for me. I’ve been using Linux mint the last 5 years so I wanted to stick with that. But alas the laptop does not seem to like my choice and I have been having issues ever since. It keeps freezing and then refusing to reboot.
So I contacted the person who installed it for me and they took it away to see what the problem was. This has happen twice now and in between that time I returned my friends laptop to her and I now find myself trying to create a post, on an old tablet with a cracked screen. On top of that, anytime I try and write the size of the screen shrinks so that I can hardly see what I am doing and then end up posting images in the wrong place. As you can imagine I have been getting very frustrated by it all.
I am also preparing the truck to move. There is quite a lot of storage inside that is free standing so I have spend the last few days attaching them to the walls and floor, as well as taking apart my outdoor bath space and living area. All of this on top of my day to day life of homeschooling and caring for my 3 girls. Which leaves very little time for me to do anything else including having time for myself.
Today as I struggled to attach one cupboard to the floor, that feeling of being overwhelmed came to an all time high.
It’s not easy being responsible for so much, to have so much rest on my shoulders. It doesn’t help that I also insist on doing so much by myself. Even though I know I could perhaps get some help, I am too much of a warrior and always push on through.
I also continue to live near an old farm where the owner keeps many dogs but doesn’t look after them and just leaves them to their own faith. I have been giving them extra food and even medicine at times, but as he refuses to neuter his dogs there are just more and more mouths to feed. This morning my daughter discovered one of the puppies had died. I feel so hopeless about this situation and don’t know what to do.
A new law was put in place recently, to protect pets, but not working dogs, which isn’t what these dogs would be viewed as. So there are no consequences for the people who treat their animals so cruelly.
Today, emotions have definitely been running high. It breaks my heart to think of those poor animals, being treated like that and also, that it is just readily accepted by so many. What a fucking cruel world we live in.
So yeah, I want to scream and shout. I want to run away from it all and just find a place where people are living far more in harmony with other beings. But then what, then I am just turning my back on those that need help.
Honestly on days like this, I really question where humanity is headed. But I can’t lose hope, of course I can’t. So, I take a deep breath and look around me, taking in all the beauty that is in my life and that surrounds me. Like these beautiful pieces of art, that my girls have created and are hung around our home and now shared here, throughout this post.
Finally able to ground myself and begin once again, to feel grateful that I am having this life experience, even if it hurts like hell sometimes.
