Masks and subpersonalities are two different types of communication tools and must be distinguished.
The mask always means that the external manifestation does not correspond to the internal state. For example, the so-called "poker face". It should be noted that very few people can be deceived by the mask.
The fact that people react to a "mask" does not mean that they believe in it, but that they observe the rules of communication adopted in society. At its core, the mask is a lie. This behavior is laid ethologically, we use lies in an attempt to protect ourselves from outsiders. At the same time, people close to us may not comply with these rules and ask a direct question if, for example, they feel that we are upset, despite our attempts to portray a happy face.
If, with respect to outsiders, a lie can act as a protective mechanism (for example, a child says that the parents are at home, although he is alone), the so-called complementary lie, then close relationships are destroyed by lies.
Lying can be not only direct, when we say untruth, but when we try to express outwardly not what we really feel, that is, "put on" the mask.
In turn, subpersonalities express different facets of our personality. The most traditional subpersonalities are a child, a parent, an adult. In fact, there are many more. In the process of communication, it is very important to choose the subpersonality correctly. For example, it will be strange if in communication with your boss you will come out of the subpersonality of a little girl! But with her own husband, this behavior is sometimes quite acceptable.
Wrong choice of subpersonality greatly complicates communication. It's like hammering in nails with a microscope.. Sometimes, before entering into communication, it is necessary to pause to "pull out" the necessary subpersonality. If you feel that you have made a mistake with the choice of subpersonality and can not quickly fix it, get out of communication. I mean - leave physically, choosing an acceptable reason (in extreme cases, say that you need to urgently visit WC).
It's worse if you do not have a suitable subpersonality for a certain type of communication. Then you have to "grow" it. Observe people who are successful in this kind of communication. For example, you see that Mr. Jones communicates very successfully with your boss. Grow inside yourself your own Mr. Jones. Just remember that if the boss changes, Mr. Jones may stop being successful and you will have to choose a new subpersonality to communicate with the new boss. This is not a catastrophe, but a normal process.
